July's Mid-Month Musings: Woman Versus Wildlife

Last year, I decided to get rid of the lawn so P never has to mow it again. I'll give you the full lowdown on how that went next month, with photos. But, this month, I thought I'd write about my garden-based phobias.

Transforming the garden involved digging up the lawn and replacing it with gravel. Despite the fibromyalgia, I found I quite enjoyed the digging, and actually hurt my shoulders less digging than I did using the laptop to mark exam scripts this summer. The gigantic dandelion roots, not to mention the numerous earthworms, had aerated the soil to a satisfyingly friable muck. That's what twenty-five years of neglect does. I actually felt a bit sad that I'd decided to put gravel down. 

The only thing I wasn't keen on, in fact, were the worms. I know they are 'a good thing' but I just find them utterly repulsive. I once almost trod on a dead earthworm, on my kitchen floor, in my bare feet [the mystery of how it got there has never been solved], and I terrified my long-suffering husband by screaming loudly, clambering onto the worktop, and refusing to get down until he removed the corpse. 

Digging has helped me to get used to worms. I felt ludicrously proud of myself the first time I managed to stay on the lawn and keep digging, after an earthworm emerged - I'd previously been leaping onto the path like a kid avoiding the lava, before scurrying inside, shuddering, and unable to do any more that day. This reaction gradually settled down into my being able to remain on the path without running indoors, and then to being able to move to a different patch of garden to continue digging. I was eventually able to take the sudden appearance of an earthworm in my stride, most of the time.

I wouldn't say I have a fear of earthworms. I don't think they're likely to creep into my house at midnight and strangle me in my sleep, or grow to the size of the creatures in that wonderful spoof horror film, Tremors. It's just a feeling of utter disgust at their appearance and the way they move. I know it's irrational. I live in dread of accidentally chopping one in half with the spade, because - though I find them repulsive - I would find the visceral horror of chopping one in half or crushing one underfoot much more distressing than just seeing one wriggling in the soil. It's not their fault I find them repulsive, after all.

This is, I realise, insane and hypocritical, as I’m not a vegan. I happily eat meat and fish and shellfish, but if I had to kill the animals myself, I’m sure I couldn’t do it, unless I was starving to death and all the fruit and veg had been eaten. I’ve always felt weirdly upset about even killing insects. I once came home to find a long parade of ants marching from our front door into our kitchen and across the vinyl flooring. At first, I wasn't too bothered as ants don't generally freak me out. The thing that triggered an anxiety-drenched act of ant-icide, however, was suddenly realising that they were literally all over the dark-coloured work-surfaces - even in the sink, on the dishes we'd left draining, and all over the hob. The counter-tops suddenly looked like they'd transmogrified into a seething mass of black bubbling tar that was somehow alive, and I just lost my mind with panic, grabbed a spray bottle of Flash bathroom cleaner I'd just bought, and started spraying them wildly like a ruthless warrior giantess wielding a huge flame-thrower. It was quite empowering for a few moments.. However, once the adrenaline had worn off, I started imagining what a terrible death that must have been for the ants and I felt like I’d caused an ant apocalypse. I still sometimes have nightmares about it.

"Die, Monsters, DIE!"

I’m not trying to present myself as a soft-hearted buddhist who respects all living creatures. I’m certainly not that. I’ve called in the pest controller to get rid of a wasp nest in the attic bedroom; I’ve put those ant-killing things down that the ants carry back to the nest, thereby killing the whole colony; I’ve swatted the odd fly and mosquito; I've put various types of slug-killer in the garden. 

But I do have this weird, inconsistent reluctance to kill things by hand. I guess I'm by nature a sniper rather than a stiletto-wielding assassin. I even felt sorry for the bloody bee that went down the neck of my top, while we were having lunch in a garden centre a few weeks ago, and stung me on the breast! It crawled out, half-dead, and even while I was gritting my teeth against the pain of the sting, I was upset because it was clearly going to die. 

"Some people will do anything to touch a woman's boob, the perv!" 

While on that subject, I've been stung twice by bees and twice by wasps - neck, finger, breast and wrist [that's the adult version of the well-known kids' ditty]. I am, as you know, what my family calls a 'mardy-arse'; I don't generally handle pain well. I once lost consciousness after banging my finger on the edge of a light-switch plate... Yet, despite what everyone else I know seems to think, I don't think wasp and bee stings hurt all that much. For example, P had no idea I'd been stung on the breast, as I didn't even flinch - I just held my breath for a few seconds and then continued eating my sandwich. The bee left a remarkably large wound which is still not fully healed, three weeks later, so you'd think I would have let out a squeal at least. This is the woman who leapt on the kitchen counter after seeing a dead worm, remember.

I also quite like getting stung by nettles - I don't mean I would deliberately stick my hand in a bunch of the buggers, but if I do accidentally get stung I think it feels quite nice, particularly after the first few seconds. Am I alone in this? Is it a sign of madness?

My sister and my niece are both terrified of wasps and find wasp-stings intolerable. They've both been stung in the past, but mostly, I suspect, because they go insane whenever they spot a wasp. If I was an innocent wasp, simply trying to find the source of that tempting foody smell, and a gigantic human started flapping their hands about frantically and screaming at the top of their lungs, I think I'd feel inclined to sting them too. P and I find it impressive that, when Sis suddenly cries out 'WASPS!', she and her daughter can throw all the picnic items into a carrier bag and be at the other end of the park, trying to break into a random car to get away from the wasps, within seconds.

My niece is actually an RSPCA Inspector, which makes her animal phobias particularly amusing. She has overcome her bird phobia to a large extent, due to her training and experience, and we have seen her dealing with injured swans and suchlike with real professionalism, but she still has her moments. Just before she started her RSPCA training, we took her for a picnic in the Loxley Valley on the edge of Sheffield. The picnic area is idyllic, set beside a picturesque hump-backed bridge under which flows a shallow stream drifting down to Dan Flask reservoir. 

It could be a scene out of an Enid Blyton story - picture the Famous Five riding their bikes past the cricket ground, stopping off to buy ice-creams, then sitting at one of the wooden picnic tables to eat them. Children are paddling in the stream and crossing the stepping stones, families are picnicking on the river bank, ducklings are following their mothers downstream. Then suddenly there is a commotion - a young woman squeals and throws a half-eaten sandwich, like a missile, directly into the face of a big goose - one of those Mother Goose-type geese you see wearing bonnets on the covers of children's fairytale books. The young woman leaps to her feet and takes off like Usain Bolt with Mother Goose closely following her, honking for a bit more sandwich. The young woman vaults the gate and is halfway to Sheffield city centre before her companions have gathered up the picnic - and her eighteen month old son, whom she has apparently, quokka-like, abandoned to his fate. Fortunately, he found the sight of his mother being chased by a large goose very funny indeed.

People have weird phobias, don't they? Niece is also phobic about spiders, people being sick, eating meat cooked with its bones, or cold meat of any kind. I hasten to add that she is a great RSPCA officer, highly competent, hard-working and respected. As long as she doesn't have to rescue a wasp, put a goose in a bird-bag, wrangle a spider or eat a ham sandwich, she's fine.

Most people have some kind of irrational anxiety. My mum is scared of small animals 'because of their tiny bones', which is mystifying to me. She couldn't stay in a house with a mouse in it. We used to get occasional infestations of field mice at harvest time, and that was like a horror film to her. She's also scared of squirrels - she claims that we'd all hate them if they didn't have bushy tails, as they're basically just rats who live in trees. I'm not sure why being compared to a rat is considered to nail an argument so conclusively, though it seems to work for my mum and Jimmy Cagney. Personally, I'm not scared of rats, however - though I don't like their naked tails because they resemble worms, which is a sort of meta-phobia I suppose. 

Mum once had hysterics when a squirrel in Greenwich Park leapt on my then four-year-old niece because it had spotted the packet of peanuts she had in her pocket - I'm certain Mum thought the squirrel was going for my niece's throat. Squirrels are actually quite aggressive little gits and worth being cautious around, but they're still an odd thing to get 'phobic' about. I mean, Yorkshire terriers and chihuahuas are also aggressive, but I've never met anyone who leaps on a kitchen counter whenever she sees one. Though, actually, my mum might be phobic about them as they have tiny bones...

Our friend M has a phobia about eggs. He doesn't like to eat them, raw or cooked, but he also finds them vaguely horrifying when they're still in their shells. I suppose this must give him very mixed messages at Easter, though I don't think he's all that keen on chocolate either. So he's obviously just plain weird.

The thing they'd have to put in Room 101 to make me agree to believe anything they wanted me to - even that Donald Trump is a good president and a nice man - are those large black millipedes you sometimes see in children's petting zoos. They look like shiny black puddings with a fringe of ever-moving legs along their bodies. There'll be a special building where they let people look closely at, and pick up, things like giant spiders and snakes and lizards, under supervision. I like snakes and reptiles generally, and might even one day be persuaded to handle a tarantula, but I draw the line at giant millipedes. I've even been known to refuse to go into parks and other recreational spaces just in case they have an insect house that might contain a giant millipede. 

Well, it might escape. 

You never know.

*********

Writer Showcase: June - SUZANNE BURN

 Suzanne Burn

I am very pleased to introduce June's showcased writer, Suzanne Burn. Like several other showcased writers, she was part of a team who collaborated on the writing of an epic poem a while back - though we never finished it, it was a fascinating and enjoyable experience. Suzanne is not only a poet but a writer of prose fiction too.

Suzanne Burn 

Biography

Suzanne is a writer and Open University graduate. She was born in Ripon and is now based in Thirsk, North Yorkshire. She didn’t grow up in Ripon, as her early to mid-childhood was a bit nomadic and she lived in different parts of the UK, West Germany, and West Africa, due to her dad’s military service. While she now loves Thirsk as part of God’s own country (the affectionate term for Yorkshire), her heart is also with Suffolk (her dad’s birthplace), where she spent her later childhood and all her teenage years. Moving has also been a feature of her life as a military wife in her twenties and thirties. She has two adult sons, one of whom is severely autistic and lives in a lovely supported home near Selby, North Yorkshire.

She writes alongside being self-employed and helping to run a gardening business with her husband, and is currently producing poetry based on nature, realism, and relationships. She’s also getting to grips with her fledgling Crime Fiction novel, The Martello Murders. This has been born out of her final assessment for the Open University Masters in Creative Writing, and deals with themes of drug-related murders (associated with County Lines dealing), Domestic Noir/coercive control, and police procedure. The main protagonist Detective Inspector Karen Drury, must navigate her role in a double murder investigation having just transferred to the Suffolk Constabulary from the Met, and against the backdrop of her deeply compromised home life with her controlling husband and troubled teenage son. The murders take place in the vicinity of two Martello towers on the Suffolk coast at Aldeburgh and Shingle Street, giving an opportunity to use the coastal setting as a character in its own right.

Suzanne has had poetry and life writing published in online editions of Makarelle magazine, together with six Open University Write Club anthologies: Generations, Footprints and Echoes, The Gift, 2020 Together, 2021 Still Together, and Where’s the Manual? And Other Thoughts on Parenthood.

 

LINKS:

2020 Together: An Anthology of Shorts

2021 Still Together: Another Anthology of Shorts

Where's the Manual? And Other Thoughts on Parenthood

Generations

Footprints and Echoes

The Gift

Open University Write Club:

https://www.facebook.com/share/g/12G9ANrA9J8/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Journaling with Donna Ashworth (poet): https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1EBM97nJ5R/?mibextid=wwXIfr  

Wild Words and Wonder run by a lovely lady called Suzanne Robinson: 

https://www.facebook.com/share/g/16DbpJNprM/ 

[These journaling groups are also good sources of ideas for poetry and fiction]

Creative Writing: A workbook with readings [edited by Linda Anderson]:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Creative-Writing-Linda-Anderson/dp/0415372437/ref=sr_1_1?adgrpid=1185274433290828&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.qvjcCthHlpHqOTxJGR4MQa1YC-qohmoHRjryBymVruA.qq5YL5Ak_e1Ettx0yy6N5fj9_u5i-QadBm-de_NI9aU&dib_tag=se&hvadid=74079856312632&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=41471&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvtargid=kwd-74079789542223%3Aloc-188&hydadcr=12221_2292759&keywords=creative+writing+a+workbook+with+readings+linda+anderson&mcid=a2c132188da23a49b4ee1adf94e28cca&msclkid=742ac97caf3f19c5c6eda13a48b97e6f&qid=1749477260&sr=8-1

"The Martello Tower at Aldeburgh on the Suffolk coast which 

has inspired the title of my novel ‘The Martello Murders’ 

and is the location for discovery of the first 

victim of County Lines violence" - Suzanne

"The Martello Tower at Shingle Street on the Suffolk coast, where the second victim of County Lines is found in my novel. There are several Martello Towers along the coast, built as defence posts against the threat of invasion during Napoleonic times." - Suzanne

"Coastguard cottages at Shingle Street on the Suffolk coast, one of them will be home to the main protagonist DI Karen Drury in my novel ‘The Martello Murders’ after she seeks respite from the coercive control her husband uses against her." - Suzanne

******

"I’ve decided to share some samples of my poetry as this is how I started out as a writer, and gained some much needed self-belief. Some of the poems are from my early days of studying creative writing and some are more recent." - Suzanne

Lavender on Wye

In a fragrant garden perched high
above the river Wye, lavender, daisies
and bay, add their scent to the essence
of summer; while Lavender Cottage sits sleepily
in the haze of a Sunday in July,
a vine trails across stone walls warm
to the touch, with the promise of fruits to come.
The river meanders through rolling country,
creating a path for canoeists and swans;
while a woodpecker clings to a tangled knotty tree,
tapping away rhythmically at the bark.
As dusk falls, wildlife settles near
the cottage bathed in surreal silver
light from a full harvest moon.
The last canoeists of the day glide by,
the tranquil sound of paddles cutting
through the waning current.
And I remain on the terrace, watching,
the bats flit from under the eaves,
to the darkening trees beyond.

"Inspiration for this came while I was on holiday in Herefordshire in 2016, and I wanted to capture my contentment as I sat looking out over the Wye." - Suzanne

 

Burnt Offerings

As my breath catches
in the eastern air,
icy waves break
against the shore.

Where I cradle
your carcass, still
feathered and warm,
cause of death

cement dust in your gut
from mass construction
along the coast, your
habitats lost forever.

And I kneel to touch
a match to your pyre,
down in the dunes
where blanched grasses

stand like sentinels
against the wind.
Where the sky hangs
close enough to touch

and then trace,
tendrils of your spirit
like smoke which floats
across the blue.

My tears fall for
the loss of you,
as icy waves break
against the shore.

 

"I wrote the first draft of this poem on Walberswick beach in Suffolk, a little further along the coast from Sizewell B Nuclear Power Station. The current construction of the new Sizewell C station means destruction of huge tracts of natural habitats for birds and wildlife alike. It will take a long time for the area to recover, and some parts of it may never do so. The bird at the heart of this poem is the Marsh Harrier." - Suzanne

 

Sky Dancers

I stand and watch the blackness form
an all-star troupe above the Fen.
I stand and marvel at the theatre show
a thousand wingbeats twist and swirl,
across the sky. Starlings dance, shapeshift

en masse into whales and snakes,
pulsing and shimmering like jellfish,
on iridescent wings studded with stars.
Shapes so tightly packed, erupt
into a panoply of tiny bodies,

to fly up and burst against the setting sun,
condense, then cascade like water closing
over stone. The dancers scatter
over earth, a warm quilt of wingbeats
restoring my faith in nature’s healing.

 

"I’ve always been fascinated by starling murmurations and I love the Fens in Cambridgeshire (a county which holds family connections on my Dad’s side), so it was nice to combine the two here." - Suzanne

 

Swarm

In my brain, the deafening drone
from high in the baobab tree.
Cells crammed full with seething black
bodies on transparent wings,

so dense, blighting an African sun
fight or flight, nowhere to run,
survival relies on reflexes
falling to the ground, curling tightly

like an unborn child
cocooned in the womb.
The swarm surges down, pulsing
threatening, a throbbing mass of fury

undulating just inches above
barely any room to breathe, I play dead
as day turns to night, only my dreams
will set me free.

 

"I had strong inspiration from Sylvia Plath’s Bee poems and my childhood in Africa for Swarm as a metaphor for my own anxiety which can be crippling at times. I frequently need to block out my fears which are so real, yet often unfounded." - Suzanne

 

Ode: To a Rose

Your lush deep crimson
blooms are permeated with,
a delightful fruity fragrance.
You flower freely in the
month of June, as beautiful
as your namesake, Darcy Bussell;
celebrating everything wonderful
about a classic dancer,
from your gorgeous colour
to the curves of your petals;
you are a national treasure
a quintessential English rose.

So delicate, yet strong and supple,
a perfect symbol for pure
femininity. You stand proud
amongst the crowded border,
poised and graceful above all
the other flowers in the garden;
swaying gently in the summer breeze
your beauty gives me sweet release.
Long after your season ends
and autumn mists come rolling in,
I’ll still delight in nature’s gift
of a quintessential English rose.

 

"I have the Darcey Bussell rose in my garden and enjoyed experimenting with the irregular ode form here, in a departure from free verse. I was encouraged by Stephen Fry’s view of how the ode has progressed: “Rather than suggesting formal implications this is likely to promise, in the shadow of Keats, a romantic reflection on nature, beauty, art, and their relationship to the very making of a poem itself.” - Suzanne

 

                          

 "The Darcy Bussell rose in my garden, inspiration for ‘Ode: To a Rose"

 

 

Trust

You and me, we share inked skin.
Yours, a stylised blend of crosses and angels
a quasi interpretation of death,
mine, a number allocated to me amid the horrors
of the camp at Auschwitz.

Your tattoos are too visible to your patient
in her vulnerable state.
Why would you choose to blight your skin?
I don’t trust you in your paramedic green.
How can you call yourself a professional?

I hide my number like it’s a disgrace.
I don’t want to see it every day,
yet in my darkest hours, the faces
of those I loved, they parade before me
regimented lines of families waiting for the chambers.

Three hours since I’ve fallen on the stairs
and you are here in my time of need
speaking gently, tending my wounds
you lift my wrist to insert a drip,
there is deep compassion in your eyes.

My mind begins to clear, I see
the numbers on the crosses on your arm.
You tell me they are the service numbers
of fallen comrades in Afghanistan.
You and me, we share inked skin.

 

"Inspiration for ‘Trust’ came from a post on LinkedIn which dealt with tattoos in the workplace and how they shouldn’t influence someone’s ability to do a job. I was struck by a quote from a paramedic: “Having a tattoo doesn’t stop me from saving people’s lives. I talk to people about mine.” - Suzanne

 

 

Marching On

She hunches over
her walking frame
crossing the shiny
wet street, downtown

in Glasgow, driech.
Multi veined hands
paper thin skin, gripping
the lead of her

West Highland friend,
guiding her on
while passers by blend
into winter grey.

Her smile shines bright
filling the lens,
of the street artist
crouching low with

his viewfinder, outside
the vaccination hub.

 

"This is a recent piece, but inspired by the Covid pandemic and looking at themes of courage and hope." - Suzann

You Know Who You Are

I never knew it could happen,
the way a virtual world liaison
would come to mean so much,
that you would be a friend,
down all these years.

The stories I’ve shared with you
my hopes, my fears, laid bare
and you’ve nurtured my trust.
I get scared, I want to run,
your silent reassurance is enough.

It's like I’ve known you forever,
this connection survives
beyond any explanation.
To have you fixed in my heart,
the odds amaze me.

I am braver because of you.
I am stronger because of you.
I am more myself than ever
because of you, all of you.
Just stay the way you are.

 

"Another recent piece here, and inspired by a friend who is a private beta-reader of my work." - Suzanne

 

 ******

And finally we come to The Big

 Interview, in which Suzanne kindly

 answers writing-related 

questions and lets us into 

some of her writing secrets...

  

1.    How old were you when you first knew you wanted to be a writer, and what set you off down that journey?

I didn’t seriously consider writing until my late 40s while studying for my BA (Hons) with the Open University. My lifelong love of reading had given me an aptitude for studying English Literature, and I decided to combine this with creative writing. My first writing tutor gave me the confidence to start out with my own poetry, and this provided a very welcome respite during very stressful times as a Mum. I’d only written a few stories during school days before this, so a huge gap, but I truly surprised myself over how much I enjoyed seeing my words take shape. It was the same with fiction: from insight came inspiration.

 

 

2.    Tell us about the books and writers that have shaped your life and your writing career.

I was an only child and I often took refuge in reading when there were tensions between my parents. Enid Blyton was a big favourite via The Famous Five adventures and tales of boarding school life with moral messages at Mallory Towers. I guess I was looking to escape to simpler, more nostalgic times. Morality was also a feature of Ballet Shoes by Noel Streatfield, What Katy Did by Susan Coolidge, and L.M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables. All of these had a happy ending but that had to be earned by the main characters. The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis gave me a fantasy world of magic and mythical beasts to enjoy – again, providing me with the escape I needed.

By my early teens, I was into the glamourous thrillers/romances by Mary Stewart, which took me to dreamy locations in Lebanon, the Austrian alps, and the Mediterranean. I also started borrowing the powerful novels by Wilbur Smith from my dad because they epitomized the rawness of Africa, with strong characters really bringing that great continent to life on the page.

Through my years of working as a civil servant and then into motherhood, I enjoyed a range of fiction: crime and psychological thrillers (authors such as P.D. James, Ruth Rendell, Tana French, Steig Larsson, Val McDermid, to name a few), timeslip/historical novels (from Barbara Erskine and Kate Mosse), horror (from James Herbert and Stephen King), romance (from Rosamund Pilcher and Joanna Trollope), and adventure from Clive Cussler.

More recently, I’ve been engaged with crime fiction and psychological thrillers from C.L. Taylor, Gillian McAllister, Lisa Jewell, Elly Griffiths, William Shaw, and Marisse Whittaker. I’m inspired by William Shaw, Marisse Whittaker, and C.L. Taylor in particular, while I work on my own novel. Shaw’s Salt Lane features his Detective Sergeant Alexandra Cupidi. She’s a classic mix of toughness and frailty so familiar in detective fiction, but she’s not a cliché. Shaw lets his readers meet her whole family and they have a brittle, hard-to-get-to-know shell, but he gives wonderful glimpses behind this exterior. This is helping me develop my own Detective Inspector Karen Drury. He also gives a strong sense of place with his settings on the Kent coast (Dungeness in particular), with spare but vivid descriptions which are inspiring for my own settings on the Suffolk coast. Whittaker’s ‘The Devils Line’ is giving me a good sense of how County Lines drug dealing can be developed within a novel. And Taylor’s evocation of Domestic Noir in several of her novels, is also helping me to shape my narrative in The Martello Murders.

Open University study has really helped me appreciate how much work goes into fiction and poetry. It’s been a pleasure to be reintroduced to Jane Austen whom I first studied for O Level many years ago, but also to have access to so many more classics that I’d heard of but never had the chance to take in at school, by great writers such as Shakespeare, Charlotte Bronte, Charles Dickens, Wilkie Collins, Thomas Hardy, and Emile Zola. I’ve enjoyed looking at some fascinating parallels between older literary fiction and plays, and contemporary fiction in terms of characterisation, setting and plot. The classics are also full of sharp societal observations which were well ahead of their times, and the social insights from Shakespeare, Austen, the Brontes, and Hardy, have given me a real sense of history too.

With poetry, I’ve enjoyed Keats and Coleridge since schooldays for their romantic dream-like imagery, and Open University study introduced me to Shelley for a similar experience. I had a great English teacher at school who was very focused on the First World War poetry of Seigfried Sassoon and Wilfrid Owen, such tough reading but so important to learn about the immense sacrifices that took place. Through starting to write my own poetry, I’ve been drawn to the simplicity of Haiku. The Japanese poet Basho has been my go-to guidance for this form, with his beautiful evocations of the natural world: the cherry blossom, the summer moon, or the winter snow for example. The Buddhist Zen ideal of oneness with creation runs throughout Basho’s poems, and reminds me that it’s always good to just stop and appreciate the beauty in our surroundings.

Another influence on my own poetry has been Sylvia Plath for her raw confessional style combined with intense imagery and powerful language. These feature strongly in her collection of Bee poems written in 1962, where she uses the natural metaphor of bees to convey her own chaotic emotions. ‘The Arrival of the Bee Box’ and ‘The Swarm’ have inspired me and given me confidence to project my own thoughts.

 

3.    Have your children, other family members, friends or teachers inspired any of your writing? In what way?

One of my first inspirations came from the difficult relationship I had with my dad due to his alcoholism. Drink gave him a split personality and he could be dangerously unpredictable while under the influence. I found I could look at this more objectively with the passing of time, so I decided to use the drama of it to write my first short story for the Open University. It ended up being very cathartic for me to engage with this sadder part of my past. I’d sought various forms of therapy over the years to try and address his effects on my mental health growing up, but I hadn’t gone back to the roots of it all before.

Catharsis has also come through life writing, and this has been inspired by the pressures of motherhood. Back in 1995, my husband left for active service in Bosnia with the Royal Artillery. I was suddenly a single parent to our two sons, both of whom were vulnerable. Our eldest Matthew, had been through cancer treatment, and our youngest Jonathan, was being assessed prior to being diagnosed with autism. It was a very uncertain time and a lot of emotion was put to one side in order to function and just get through. Looking back and writing about it made me realise just how strong we’d both been as parents.

      

"My autistic son Jonathan, who is happily settled in a lovely home near Selby, North Yorkshire 

with housemates and carers who are like a second family to him. 

So good to have peace of mind re the future for him"

 

4.    Does the place you live have any impact on your writing?

I think I’m quite content in my own small study that I’ve created in a spare bedroom. It looks out over the back garden with a view of the local church and some lovely trees beyond that. I don’t focus too much on the outside if I’m really into what I’m writing, I just need some music in the background. I live in a terraced house, but I guess my ideal location would be either detached and more rural, or by the coast. However, I feel having a beautiful view is good for the thinking process. A place to dream and just be, is an inspiration in itself. I’ve always loved the Suffolk coast so it’s the right choice as a setting for my novel.

         

"The Suffolk coast at Aldeburgh, I love the raw power of the sea and how it meets the sky on the horizon " 

5.    How would you describe your own writing?  

I have a need to know that my writing contains elements of truth and relatability, and this lends itself strongly to realism for my fiction. Sometimes my subject matter can lead me to become dispassionate, but for the most part I like my characters to show and feel strong emotions in realistic situations. With my poetry I’m open to love, joy, sorrow, fear, hope, and longing in the natural world, and through realism in relationships. I’m interested in magical realism but haven’t tried it yet.

 

6.    Are there certain themes that draw you to them when you are writing?

I’m drawn to themes of courage and perseverance and I think this could be a reaction to what I’ve had to deal with in my life so far. I’ve often needed to dig deep and find some inner strength, so it seems natural to want my characters to do the same. Love and loyalty also appeal to me, alongside justice.

 

7.    Tell us about how you approach your writing. Are you a planner or a pantser?

I’ve been a pantser for quite a lot of my poetry and short stories to date, but fully recognize the value of planning for my novel, and that is the way forward for me now. I think being a pantser stemmed from inexperience and the need to get my ideas down before I lost track of them. I would often research as I wrote for shorter pieces, so my iPhone was always to hand. I also enjoyed seeing where my free writing could take me.

 

8.     Do you have any advice for someone who might be thinking about starting to write creatively?

I think the value of reading widely to expose you to other styles of writing, vocabulary, and techniques can never be underestimated. It’s amazing how much you can absorb subliminally, lodging information in your mind which can spark new ideas or enhance the ones you already have.

 

9.    Are you, or have you been in the past, a member of any writing groups, online or face-to-face?

I enjoy being part of the Open University Write Club Society which I joined at the start of my creative writing studies. It’s a lovely supportive community. More recently, I’ve engaged with a couple of Facebook groups which focus on journaling as a practice for mental wellbeing and connecting with nature [links to these appear after ‘biography’ section].

 

 

10.                Have you ever studied creative writing at university or any other courses?

I have a BA (Hons) in English Literature with Creative Writing, and Masters in Creative Writing from the Open University. Some of the best outcomes of those for me have been gaining confidence and self-belief for study and writing, but also for life in general, recognizing the importance of effective time management, giving and receiving feedback in order to grow as a writer, and learning to hone my writing to fit within selected word limits (something that makes me strive to improve each time). Everyone is different.

I saw my studies as unfinished business from my youth, and I wanted to see how far I could go with them. I think the Open University creative writing modules provide good technical guidance and support from both tutors and other students. I would recommend the OU A215 module for people just starting out as writers, as it draws on ‘Creative Writing A Workbook with Readings’ [edited by Linda Anderson], which can also be studied independently. The author and poet Blake Morrison recommends it as: “An invaluable guide, full of useful tips, mind-freeing exercises, and inspiring wisdom from established authors.” It is available on Amazon.

 

11.                What do you think about getting feedback on your work from other writers and/or non-writers?

I’ve always found feedback really valuable when developing my work. The Open University provided online forums for this, which became good supportive communities in their own right, and it was possible to branch out from them and have contact with fellow students privately. Similarly, I’ve been very grateful for feedback from private beta-readers who are not writers, but know what works for them as readers of fiction and/or poetry.

I think constructive feedback can be a lifeline when I get too close to a piece of writing (always ideal to try and take reasonable breaks between drafts), offering me the chance to see it from another perspective. Feedback from Open University tutors, all of whom are experienced writers in various genres, has always been focused on helping me improve, though none of them have been Crime Fiction writers. I have acted on some suggestions made by feedbackers and beta-readers throughout my writing to date, and will continue to do so in the future.

 

12.                If you have experience of self-publishing, what have been its challenges and rewards? 

I haven’t self-published any of my own writing yet, but it’s something I’m considering. I’m following the experiences of other writers with interest, in the meantime.

 

13.                Where do you get your ideas from?

I enjoy taking inspiration from nature and feel lucky that my day job helps me do this on a regular basis, taking in the changing seasons in customer gardens which span several acres. I observe people of interest and this is helping with the foundations of my novel. Sometimes there will be a story in the news media which strikes a chord with me. During my university studies, I’ve drawn on some of my own experiences which hasn’t been easy but I feel it’s given my writing some authenticity.

 

14.                They say that successful writers need to be selfish. How far do you agree with this? 

I would say yes, there does have to be some degree of selfishness with writing. It’s largely a solitary pursuit which needs time and space to progress. It can be difficult to strike a balance if you’re not a full-time writer, and I confess that I’ve found that difficult despite having an understanding family. I write mainly in the early evenings on weekdays and have more time to focus on Sundays at the moment. However, a lot of thoughts come to me outside of these times so I’m continually noting on my iPhone for quick access. I have to say that I’m feeling inspired again after losing direction for a while after I graduated, and I’m very happy about that. I have my own study to work in. It’s a quiet space which is always welcome after being busy elsewhere.

 

15.                Beyond your family and your writing, what other things do you do?

I’ve just started some weight training for strength as part of focusing on my health. While I walk a fair bit with the day job, it’s always lovely to get out and about with our young black Labrador called Marley. I enjoy going out for a drink and/or a meal, but I’m just as happy to cook at home. The garden at home is still ongoing in that there are always new ideas for it, but not as much time due to working for other people…haha.

        

Marley

"He’s a real character and walking with him gives me thinking time for writing."

 

16.                Would you describe yourself as a ‘cultured’ person?

Yes, I think I can call myself a cultured person in terms of having a strong interest in the arts and enjoying studying some of them. I read for pleasure and for knowledge; it’s a lifelong habit originally instilled by my dad, and a part of him that I’ll always cherish. I’ve read classic literary novels for study and some contemporary literary thrillers for pleasure. They’re always compelling for the way the way they explore the human condition, making some of our own life issues like love, prejudice, or power more real and accessible via fictional characters.

The most literary things I’ve written are essays which have deepened my understanding of the genre.

I don’t go to the theatre as much as I’d like right now, but have enjoyed plays and musicals over the years. Music is always good for me, it really helps me through dark periods as I’m prone to anxiety and depression. I enjoy a fairly wide range from rock, pop, and soul (live concerts where possible), to jazz and classical (radio and YouTube occasionally).

Cinema is another favourite. We have so much home entertainment at our fingertips now, but it’s always good to get out for different experiences. I tend to go for action/thrillers mostly but also like a rom com sometimes, or some horror. I’m enjoying quite a lot of crime dramas on TV at the moment, a mix of old and newer productions such as: Cracker, Wire in the Blood, Scott and Bailey, Prime Suspect, Grace, The City is Ours, The Bay, and Out There, to name a few. These are particularly good for me alongside reading for my own novel, as a way of getting into the right mindset. I also like period dramas, comedy, some documentaries, and the odd quiz show.

I think the contemporary art world could be a rich source of ideas for many writers, so, yes, I would recommend keeping in touch with it according to individual interests, be that performance art, painting or photography, amongst others.

 

17.                Are you interested in history and, if so, does it impact on your writing?

I’ve always been keen on history. I wrote a 4000-word story called ‘Divided Loyalties’ which was based on the evacuation of Tyneham village in Dorset during December 1943, for the final assessment of my BA (Hons). The area was needed for military training in advance of the D Day landings, but when WW2 ended, the villagers were never allowed to return. I wanted to portray some of this sacrifice via placing my fictional characters amongst real events. Their experiences had to be authentic, especially as the war is still withing living memory. My research was fascinating, yet felt so poignant. Tyneham is known as the village that died for England, and remains part of the Armoured Fighting Vehicles Gunnery School for the British Army, to this day. History is another rich source of inspiration for writers in all genres. It’s been tapped into so much already, but the possibilities remain vast. Similarly, current affairs, science/technology, politics/world affairs, offer so much scope for the writer and I think it’s important we keep documenting what’s happening around us for future generations, be that via fiction, poetry, journalism, memoir or whatever form we choose.

 

18.                How did the Covid pandemic affect you as a writer?

It was such a strange and difficult time. I admit to being fearful like so many people during the first stages, but I also felt lucky to be able to go back to work safely outdoors. My senses were heightened even more amongst nature and you’d think that would be good for writing, but I was very mindful of what people were going through and all the sacrifices being made daily. I was glad to contribute a little to some anthologies produced by Write Club OU in aid of NHS Charities. I also wrote a letter of hope as part of a scheme set up by one of my writing tutors in the North East, to offer comfort to a community which had been badly affected by the virus.

 

19.                There is a lot of talk at the moment. in the publishing world and elsewhere, about political correctness, the Woke movement, cultural appropriation, ‘cancel culture’, ‘trigger warnings’, sensitivity readers and the importance of diversity. What are your thoughts on this, with regard to writing?

The world is extremely sensitive now, in so many areas. It’s vital that we keep communicating and writers are at the forefront in that respect. It takes confidence and often bravery to navigate a multitude of contemporary restrictions, but I feel it has to be done with fairness and compassion too. Respect should be given to other cultures, especially if writers don’t have first-hand experience of them. We would expect it for ourselves here in the UK. However, I’m sadly all too aware of how our hard-won  freedom of speech has been eroded over the years. It’s tougher than ever to express our beliefs and make a difference.

 

20.                Where would you place your own writing, on a continuum with PURE FANTASY at one end and COMPLETE REALISM at the other?

My writing leans more towards realism, in that I’m interested in the behaviours associated with human nature. I don’t know a lot about fantasy as a genre. I’ve read The Chronicles of Narnia as a child, but I’ll admit this genre hasn’t always been my first choice as an adult. I have equated it with ‘sword and sorcery’ and ‘sci-fi’, but have come across some novels from Open University students which have shown me there is so much more to it. I do think there is a place for it, as with all genres – there are definitely a lot of fans out there. Realism is what I’m more interested in personally, but variety is a good thing and should be encouraged.

 

21.                Do you have any particular health or other issue that affects your writing and if so how have you overcome this?

I’ve been prone to anxiety and depression since I was a teenager, for different reasons. It still comes and goes (I’m on long-term medication for it), but I’m much better at recognizing the onset and dealing with it, now. It can affect my willingness to write, but I try to get over this by getting outdoors as much as possible, being mindful, doing some breathing exercises, and journaling about my feelings. Journaling really has been a help over the last year or so; it lets me see my worth on the page and I can be totally honest with myself. Background music when I’m writing or doing jobs around the house is also a real positive for me.

"Walberswick beach on the Suffolk coast, where I wrote the first draft of my poem ‘Burnt Offerings’"

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Thank you very much, Suzanne, for such an entertaining and fascinating showcase. 

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In July, I will be showcasing 

another fabulous writer: 

Cinnamon Matthews

Not to be missed!

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So far in this series, I’ve showcased the following writers:

Ruth Loten – March 2023

Jane Langan – March 2023

Beck Collett – April 2023

Ron Hardwick – June 2023

L.N.Hunter – July 2023

Katherine Blessan – August 2023

Jill Saudek – September 2023

Colin Johnson – October 2023

Sue Davnall – November 2023

Alain Li Wan Po – December 2023

Lily Lawson – January 2024

Philip Badger – February 2024

Glen Lee – March 2024

DHL Hewa - April 2024

Tonia Trainer - May 2024

Mike Poyzer – June 2024

Judith Worham - July 2024

Chrissie Poulter - August 2024

Adele Sullivan - September 2024

Lin De Laszlo - October 2024

Wendy Heydorn - November 2024

Elisabeth Basford - December 2024

Karen Honnor - January 2025

Sharon Henderson - February 2025

Gae Stenson - March 2026 [collaboration]

Dr Trefor Stockwell - March 2025 [collaboration]

Karen Downs-Barton

Pavitra Menon

Suzanne Burn

[29 so far]

You can find all these showcases by scrolling back through the material on this blog.

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