April's Writer Showcase

 Jane Langan

Last month, I began my showcase series with the talented Ruth Loten, and this month I'm going to showcase her friend and colleague, another student from the OU Masters In Creative Writing 2020 cohort, Jane Langan. Like Ruth, Jane is also a valued member of the Twenty-Twenty Club, a group we set up for MA alumni to give writing feedback to each other. Since completing the Masters Degree, she has continued writing and also co-founded and co-edited the literary magazine, Makarelle. Her most recent project is setting up an independent publishing company, with Ruth, called Castle Priory Press. Scroll down to find out more about Jane and her writing, including one of her stories and an in-depth interview containing many insights into the life of a writer.

 

Jane Langan

Biography

Until recently Jane was one of the editors and co-founders of Makarelle, an online literary magazine, which she founded with two other MA alumni, Ruth Loten and Dini Armstrong. After publishing six successful issues, they decided they needed to focus on their own writing and so they closed the magazine.

Jane has self-published a poetry collection called Blood Kisses, with Amazon. She has also been published in the anthologies Footprints and Echoes, Makarelle ONE, Dipping Your Toes and Where’s the Manual and Other Thoughts on Parenting. She was shortlisted in Fish Publishing’s lockdown Haiku competition and had a special mention from The Welsh Poetry Competition. She was longlisted in the Mairtin Crawford Award and has been published in a number of online journals.

She and her friend, Ruth Loten, who met whilst doing their Masters in Creative Writing, have recently started a hybrid publishing company which offers reasonably-priced assistance with self-publishing. They hope to create a community of writers who will help to market each other’s work.

She has recently completed a female-led coming-of-age novel based in the 1980s, and an anthology of short stories. Hopefully, both will be available soon. Her current project is a more speculative novel about women who develop magic at the same time as getting the menopause. She is also working on a collection of poetry relating to family and phobias. 

Publication and links:

I’ve been writing a blog since 2009: http://www.howilikemycoffee.co.uk/

You can find her on Twitter and Instagram at @muddynosugar

Castle Priory Press hybrid publishing house can be found here: https://www.castlepriorypress.com/

Jane’s poetry collection is available here: https://amzn.to/40QtHXF

 

Here is an example of Jane’s work:

 

Fairy Clocks

 

You couldn’t help but hear the thudder. I’m sure it has a proper name, but that’s the noise it makes. The sound of the earth being flattened, levelled, straightened. Almost a torture, almost against its will. 

            I looked out of my bedroom window. There he is, my neighbour, whose garden touches the end of my garden. A man, past his best, soft-bellied, heading towards middle age. I name him Charlie. His wife and child are tucked away inside. Charlie is bothering an older man. The man’s experience etched into a weathered face; his white hair curled from underneath his woolly hat. I can tell my neighbour knows nothing about gardens. Nonetheless, he feels the urge to tell the man how to do his job. I watch the old man turn on the thudder and tune out the whippersnapper at his side. I smile, close my windows, attempting to ignore the cacophony and the heat.

The next day the old man is back, repeating the process, collecting his spirit level and placing it on the ground. This man is all about detail. Charlie seemed to have no concern for personal space. He stands far too close to the gardener. 

            The following day the old man lays fresh topsoil, raking it until it looks as fine as flour. When he’s finished, he sows the seeds and ties string to pegs around the outside and across it, like a chessboard. It is a perfect rectangle, about two metres by five metres, surrounded by grey square patio slabs. 

It is only that night I realise something else has changed. Charlie has floodlit the soil. The light shines through my bedroom window, making it past the chinks in the slats of the blind. I close my eyes and try to ignore it. 

            Over the next few weeks, I watch as the brown soil turns green. My neighbour became almost religious in his attention to his new lawn, watering it twice a day at the same time. The light remains on every night. Brightness waking me up at three in the morning. All I can think of is what I would like to do with that light and Charlie. The middle of the night is not a time for rational thought. 

            A few weeks later, the old man reappears and removes all the strings. The lawn’s grand opening. A perfect oblong of green, green grass. My neighbour has bought a garden sprinkler. He moves it throughout the dry days. A blackbird, in its element, appears on a damp sprinkled piece of lawn to peck out worms, excited by the prospect of rain. Charlie runs out of his house and tries to shoo the bird away. I half expect him to hammer in a sign saying, ‘KEEP OFF THE GRASS.’ 

            The light continues to shine in my window. It feels too late to say anything. I have missed the opportunity to say something politely.

In the early hours, I worry about the light pollution and the hedgehogs who visit my garden and inwardly continued to despise the man and his landscape shaped lawn. 

            I never see the wife or child set foot on the grass. I wonder what he wants it for. It seems to serve no purpose, if it’s not to stop his toddler scraping his knees on the patio. None shall enter his verdant, shorn pasture. His land.

             Spring comes. The dandelions I encourage to feed the pollinators grow in my garden. Soon, they become the familiar seed heads we blew as children, beautiful fairy clocks. It is an idea I thought of as I lay awake staring at my illuminated striped ceiling in the middle of the night. A nugget of mischievousness. Gleefully, I pick the seed heads and blow the fairies away. The breeze picks them up and they dance and swirl in the air. The tiny naughty fairies cavort over the fence at the end of my garden.

 

 

And finally we come to The Big Interview, where Jane kindly answers writing-related questions and lets us into some of her writing secrets...

 

How old were you when you first knew you wanted to be a writer, and what set you off on that journey?

I can’t remember a time when I haven’t written. I was always writing something, whether it was short stories, plays or poetry. My friends still remember a funny essay I wrote at school about how I wanted hair like they have in the Cosmo. I still don’t have hair like that!

 

Tell us about the books that have shaped your life and your writing career.

That’s a really tricky question – as an avid reader it’s like choosing a favourite child, but I’ll give it a go!

One of the first books I truly loved as a teenager was Brighton Rock by Graham Greene – It made me realise that older books didn’t have to be stuffy and old-fashioned.

Similarly, Thomas Hardy’s Far from the Madding Crowd was full of unsaid simmering passion – I always said I was going to call my first child Bathsheba, but fortunately I didn’t.

Recently, I’ve enjoyed anything by Sally Rooney, I think it helps that I spend a fair amount of time in the West of Ireland where many of her books are set so I can visualize the places and the people easily.

I also like supernatural fantasy books. Alice Hoffman’s Practical Magic series are easy reads as are V.E Schwab’s. Whereas Samantha Shannon writes epics that could rival Tolkien in their world building (I realise that’s a tad controversial, but I believe it). The Priory of the Orange Tree is a monster of a book, but so worth the effort.

These days I tend to prefer a female writer but having said that I have just read The Heart’s Invisible Furies by John Boyne which completely blew me away.

 

Have your children or other family members inspired any of your writing?

When I was small, my dad would quote from The Jabberwocky and read Winnie the Pooh books to me. My dad was a writer and was full of words, and his influence had a profound effect on me. I started my Masters in Creative Writing course two months after he died.

One of his favourites was Mary Webb, in particular Gone to Earth (there’s a 1950’s film of it) and Precious Bane. She wrote poetry and fiction about nature and how it influences the world.

Similarly, he loved Spike Milligan and had all his books. He found the surreal nature of them hilarious.

He always encouraged me to write and be creative.

My daughters inspired me to write the novel I’m currently trying to get published. The main character is a similar age to them and, although it is set in the 1980s, it helped me get into the mindset of a person in that age group. 

 

Does the place you live have any impact on your writing?

Where I grew up influences my writing as much as where I live now.

I grew up in a small village called Bayston Hill near Shrewsbury. It was a beautiful place to grow up. I woke up every day to a view of the Stretton Hills and ran feral as a child, usually only returning home when I was hungry.

When I talk to my husband, who grew up in a city, I realise that my childhood was very different from his.

I still visit regularly, having friends and family who still live there.

I find many of my stories are set in small villages or about young women who grew up in small villages and then moved to the city, which is where I live now. As they say: ‘write what you know.’

I left home for Uni at eighteen and went to London, then moved to Birmingham where I have lived for the last twenty-five years.

 

How would you describe your own writing?

I have delved into many genres, having written fantasy, speculative, historical and contemporary fiction, along with writing poetry and very occasionally plays. I think, sometimes I’m influenced by what I’m watching on TV or what I’m reading at the time and at other times it is just what my imagination needs to push out of me.

I think my preferred genre is speculative, where it’s a real-world setting but with a bit of a twist, but it’s always character-driven.

I use poetry to springboard my fiction and some of my stories have grown from a poem I’ve written. Writing poetry is what I do when I am stuck.

 

Tell us about you approach to your writing. Are you a planner or a pantser?

Mostly, I am someone who just writes. Then the planning starts to happen as I go deeper into the novel writing – I have an A5 notebook for each novel and I use index cards for each character and place, adding details as I write to ensure the information about each character stays the same.

However, with historical writing I tend to research more to ensure certain things are factually correct. There’s nothing worse than reading a novel and going, nah, that didn’t happen then. It ruins the flow for the reader. I have been dipping in and out of a novel I am writing set between 1945 – 1968. I have used letters and diaries that belonged to family members, which helps with the language and how people talked at the time and looked at old newspapers and got some archived censor’s records from the National Archive which proved to be fascinating.

Google scholar is also really useful.

 

Do you have any advice for someone who might be thinking about starting to write creatively?

I would say four things. Firstly, find a course to suit you –I have had so many people say to me ‘Oh, I’m going to write a novel, I have a great idea’ but they never do – it’s much harder than you think. A good course will help you with structure, character and world building whilst also allowing you to be creative and express yourself.

Secondly, join a writing group and share your work. Thirdly, develop a thick skin, as not everyone will like what you write.

Finally, if you are serious about writing, treat it like a job. For me, it’s not a case of waiting for inspiration to strike. I go to my desk at the allocated time and write until the time I say I’ll finish. I do that nearly every day. You have to stretch your writing muscles like an athlete (an athlete who drinks too much coffee and eats too many Twiglets!).

 

What do you think is the value of writing groups?

I am a member of two online writing groups and recently one face-to-face group. The benefits are talking to other people who write. It’s a solitary profession and it’s nice to chat.  It’s also nice to share your work and seek feedback. Other group members often, in effect, become your beta readers

Another benefit is realising you’re all in the same boat – trying to get anything published is a massive undertaking.

 

You have an MA in Creative Writing from the Open University. Would you recommend such courses, at whatever level, to people starting out as writers?

The MA is the only big creative writing course I have done. I have done smaller ones online but the MA was probably the most helpful – not perfect, but it helped me find my mojo again after a lengthy dry spell.

I have thought about running creative writing workshops – in my previous life as a manager, I ran training workshops all the time on various subjects, with some success. I suppose, at the moment, I don’t feel qualified enough. Maybe when I have had a few more things published…watch this space.

I do plan to go on an editing course with the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading in the near future. This is to support my new venture with my friend from the Masters course, Ruth Loten. We would like to offer editing and proofreading as an additional option to our hybrid publishing house.

 

What do you think about getting feedback on your work from other writers and/or non-writers? How often do you act upon suggestions made by feedbackers or beta-readers?

I have always found constructive critiquing useful for my work. Usually, I ask other writers for this as I have found, in the past, that general readers tend to offer less useful advice and are more concerned about hurting my feelings – which is lovely, but not helpful. Other writers know that just being nice won’t improve the work.
            Having said that, I think, like anything, you have to take some of the feedback with a pinch of salt as it can be more about personal taste than actual flaws in the writing itself. There is always the risk that if you over-edit you lose the ‘you’ from your work, the very thing that makes your writing your writing. It is a fine balance.

  

You have experience of editing a literary magazine (Makarelle) and of self-publishing. What have been the challenges and rewards of such experiences?

I found the most rewarding thing with Makarelle (and I suspect it will be the same with the self-publishing) was reading other people’s work – I find it fascinating seeing other people’s creativity and imagination. Some of the things I have read have been brilliantly written and it is a crime that they haven’t been published and promoted by massive publishing houses.

The challenging part is the opposite side of that. Saying no to people’s work that has clearly had loads of love and care, but wasn’t right for us. That is the worst part as I know exactly how it feels to get that rejection email.

The other challenging element is the technology and hidden costs. It is an expensive business even when you are trying to do something pro bono. Writing, and everything associated with it these days, is not a money-making business unless you are lucky enough to have something you write turned into a film or TV programme.

 

Where do you get your ideas from?

Sometimes I am in a situation and I think, what if? For example, if I was at a party – what if someone started choking on poison? Or one of our friends was a spy? Or the cat started talking?

Similarly, I have a lot of old diaries I pull incidents from. Or I use things I have been told that I extrapolate and extend into fiction.

Sometimes I stare at the dreaded blank page and can’t think of a thing to write, but then I usually just start writing something and hope that a nugget of an idea will appear.

 

They say that successful writers need to be selfish. How far do you agree with this? 

As I said previously, I treat writing as a job. But I am also self employed and sell gifts and vintage items on Etsy as I still need to earn a living. So I divide my time. I usually do Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings working on my shop (with little bits of time elsewhere when necessary) and then the rest of the time I work on writing projects. I have a list of tasks to achieve and I tick them off when I have completed them – this gives me a sense of achievement.

In my previous life, I worked as a manager and had to be very good at time management, I have brought this into my writing life. I set myself realistic targets and goals.

  

Beyond your family and your writing, what other things do you do?

I tap dance, which my knees don’t like but the rest of me does. I danced as a child and loved tap dancing then. I took it back up about six years ago when I was about forty-nine. I would recommend it to everyone. I love it.

I also do pilates when I can – I love this less but I do it to keep strong.

I also garden. I grow tomatoes and other veg most years in my small garden. I am in a constant battle with bindweed … as I don’t use chemical pesticides, I suspect this battle will go on forever.

I am quite crafty. I can sew, knit, embroider, make candles, earrings, that kind of stuff. Mostly, I knit as I can do it watching the TV and I find it quite relaxing.

I suppose the other thing I do is Lego – I started doing it when I was working as a manager and felt quite stressed. It is very process driven and you don’t really need to use your analytical problem-solving brain, so I find it quite relaxing. Nowadays, I don’t find I need it as much AND it’s a very expensive hobby.

 

Would you describe yourself as a ‘cultured’ person?

If cultured means I like to go to the theatre, art galleries and museums, then yes, I fall into the category. Sadly, I can’t afford the theatre as much as I would like these days as it is so expensive. Having said that, I did recently go to see Good Grief at the Door Theatre at the Rep in Birmingham, which was excellent.

I studied Drama and English Lit for my BA and my parents took me to the theatre quite a bit as a child. Initially, I had plans to become an actor but as I got older, I became more introverted and would have liked to be a lighting designer. Unfortunately, that didn’t pan out.

So, yes, I still love all things theatre and my daughters have caught the bug. One is doing costume production at Uni and the other wants to be an actor and has just done her gold medal Lamda exam.

I occasionally read ‘literary’ novels, but I prefer more modern ones. Rachel Cusk is a favourite and I recently read Metronome by Tom Watson which could probably be described that way.

The most literary thing I have ever written was possibly one of the short stories I wrote for my masters. My tutor hated it, and I got a very poor score for it. I have re-written it since then, fixing some fundamental errors but the story is the same.

 

How did the Covid pandemic affect you as a writer?

Initially, not too much but over time it had a massive impact. I fell into the clinically extremely vulnerable category so spent nearly a year unable to leave the house (even now I still wear a mask in crowded places).

This took a toll on my mental health as I had come to terms with my condition prior to Covid, having lived with it for many years – suddenly I had to reassess and it made me feel fragile. I have had six jabs since the vaccine became available and yet I still fear catching it. Only one of my immediate family has had Covid and that’s my eldest daughter who caught it at Uni. We have been extremely careful.

As far as writing goes, last year wasn’t good for me, all the Covid stuff caught up with me and my youngest daughter wasn’t well either (with another long-term condition). Your health, both mental and physical, go before all else and if that equilibrium is off then writing suddenly becomes less of a priority.

 

There is a lot of talk at the moment about political correctness, about the Woke movement, about cultural appropriation, about diversity. What are your thoughts on this, with regard to writing?

Personally, I wouldn’t take on a persona from a culture that isn’t my own for my main protagonist. Perhaps as a friend, but it is not something I am comfortable with.

I want my writing to be accessible to all and I don’t want people to read it and go, ‘Well she shouldn’t be saying that’!

The fact is people from other cultures and from the disabled and LBGQT+ communities are under-represented in literature. Things are improving but it is still not enough.

Maybe I’m a lazy writer but I prefer to write about what I know and understand. I am an adopted white woman who is heterosexual and has a long term health condition that is classed as a disability. 

I don’t tend to write about my disability because I don’t want to see it that way. However, I do hope to write something about being adopted at some point.

 

Where would you place your own stories, on a continuum with PURE FANTASY at one end and COMPLETE REALISM at the other?

Most of what I write is rooted in something I’ve experienced. When it becomes horror, fantasy, sci fi or speculative – that’s when the writing fun begins and my imagination kicks in. Even in my non-fantasy novels, most are based on my own experiences or people I have met, but then I fictionalize it and slowly the characters and experiences become less mine and take on a life of their own.

 

***

Thank you very much, Jane, and the best of luck in your future writing and with Castle Priory Press.

 

Next month, I will be showcasing writer Beck Collett.

  A P R I  L    2 0 2 3

Book review

 The Glass and Steele series by C.J. Archer

  

  

There are thirteen or fourteen novels in this cosy fantasy-detective series, and I've read the six pictured above. I actually started reading Archer's spin-off series, 'The Glass Library Series', but thought I should read the Glass and Steele series to find out what happened to the previous generation of characters.

        It is a testament to the strength of my OCD tendencies that I am still reading this series, as they aren't really my kind of thing. Don't get me wrong: I love a bit of daft historical fantasy, and throwing in a bit of sexy romance and detective work only adds to their appeal. However, they aren't a patch on Jodi Taylor's Chronicles of St Mary's or Time Police books. They're more akin to Liz Hedgecock's historically-set novels. 

        India Steele is a watchmaker's daughter who doesn't at first realise that she's also a magician. In this world, set in an alternative Victorian London, magic is initially something that is kept hidden for fear of retribution from the powerful trade guilds. As the series continues, magic becomes increasingly prominent and the series, I expect, is partly the story of how it emerges from the shadows and becomes part of mainstream life (as it is in the Glass Library series). 

        As the first book opens, India's father has died leaving her an orphan and she has been tricked out of her inheritance by a nefarious fiance. After a chance encounter, she starts working for the extraordinarily handsome and charming Matthew Glass, heir to the Ryecroft fortune, who has been brought-up abroad, mostly in the USA. Implausibly, his father married a member of a Californian Wild West clan of outlaws, and he was himself something of an outlaw for a time until he began working undercover for the law. Matt is in England searching for two magicians who saved and prolonged his life after he was shot. The watch into which their magic was infused is no longer working effectively so he needs to get it mended or renewed or he will die.

Each novel in the series contains an individual detective story in which India and Matt  usually solve the case, often putting themselves at great risk. The stories overlap and pick up bits of plot and characters from previous episodes. In a series full of implausibilities, one of the biggest is how India finds herself living in Matt's posh London townhouse, along with his eccentric posse and his elderly snobbish aunt. 

        One ongoing theme is the romance between the two central characters. I'm not a fan of romances, unless they are very well-written and engaging. The romance between India and Matt suffers from being stretched over numerous novels, and from being conducted by two characters who are stereotypical and who seem to have a narrow range of attributes, all of which have been rehearsed to death by book six. India is a bit more interesting than Matt, but the romantic bits make me cringe, if I'm honest. Matt is always brushing his thumb against India's skin - her lips or cheek or jawline or wrist or arm - which I am finding increasingly irritating. He has a mischievous grin which excites India, apparently, which we are reminded of on a regular basis. They still haven't had sex - don't they realise they're halfway through the series now? 

   

Archer has some writing tics too which I find irritating. Characters often smile 'flatly' or their lips 'flatten' or they give a 'flat' smile. I can't visualise this. Do lips flatten? I've been watching people in real life to see and I can't say I've noticed lips flattening except maybe in a rictus of horror. There is generally too much reliance on cliched phrases and overlong stretches of expositional dialogue, and the plots themselves, though often dramatic, seems weirdly dull. They are often simultaneously implausible and boring. 

        There are lots of things in these stories to grip a reader who enjoys a bit of undemanding cosy adventure. There are unusual characters - such as Willie (think Calamity Jane transposed to Victorian London), or Cyclops (a huge, black, one-eyed friend of Matt's). Archer does the mandatory diversification thing that all novelists of this kind tend to do - there are characters from other cultures, the women are much more feisty and determined to assert their independence than most women were at the time and place the stories are set, the central characters, even the bourgeoise India, are oddly open-minded about homosexuality. This stuff is unconvincing but good fun to read. But the basic plotline is stretched thin in a way that is beginning to feel like Archer was under pressure to extend the series as far as possible in order to maximise her income from it. I don't blame her. If you hit on a series which people want to buy, you obviously want to keep the wagon rolling as long as possible. Unfortunately, so far, this particular wagon is not being kept rolling by imagination, ingenious plot twists and lively characterisation, like Jodi Taylor's novels, for instance. It is beginning to feel like simply more of the same.

*** Ok but nothing special.

Tales of a Middle-aged Newly-wed

Another Middle-aged Couple Joins The Club!

This is how you know you’ve reached the age where senility is setting in:

You open your purse in order to give your husband some money you owe him, and start counting coins into his hand – ‘…ten….twenty….thirty….forty….’.

Then you become aware that he’s staring at you with a mixture of concern and amusement on his face, and you realise you’re placing random coins on his palm – a 50p, a 10p, a 5p, a 2p, a pound coin. What your mouth is saying bears no relationship to the actual amount of money you’re giving him.

When I saw what I was doing, I laughed – but inside I was thinking ‘Am I finally losing my marbles?’. However, it wasn’t evidence of incipient dementia, but of my state of exhaustion following my sister’s wedding in Macclesfield last Friday. And we didn’t even stay to the end. Lord knows how tired Sis and Bro-In-Law were next day.

We spent the night before the wedding in a Premier Inn and went out for a meal with Sis and Bro-In-Law. Unfortunately, I started feeling seriously nauseous about eleven o'clock in the evening, and as a result got hardly any sleep and couldn't eat any breakfast on Friday morning. My upset digestive system wasn’t caused by the meal, as no one else felt ill. The nausea had more or less gone by the morning but I felt very tired.

I was supposed to be having my hair done at 10.30 by the hairdresser who was doing my sister's hair, but I had to skip this and instead just straighten it with what I considered to be my very expensive top-quality straighteners. However, fifteen minutes before the ceremony, my niece looked at my coiffure, pulled a pitying face, and said: ‘Let me straighten you hair for you with my straighteners’. Five minutes later, my hair was beautifully straightened and I’m now planning on replacing my straighteners with some like hers, which obviously run on magic.

The ceremony was at 2.00, and by then I felt more or less back to normal and was able to drink a couple of glasses of wine.

It was a much more expensive wedding than ours, and it showed. One thing we did spend money on, in our own wedding, was the venue decorators, and they did a great job. Sis, however, skilfully made all her own decorations, including artificial flower garlands for the tables, buttonholes and her bouquet, judiciously-placed lanterns and hurricane lamps, a post box for wedding cards and decorated gin bottles telling people where to sit [see link to my sister's small business at end of this post]. My mum, who was sitting near me directly in front of one of the lanterns, told me later, in a disappointed tone, that she'd never seen any lanterns on the tables! She obviously had the one which was invisible to elderly women. 

The venue, an old pub-cum-hotel, was lovely – the ceremony and reception were in a very old barn with twinkling fairy lights round the beams. It was very romantic. The food was nice and the staff were efficient and pleasant.

 

  

Sis walked down the aisle with my husband, who was ‘giving her away’, standing in for our actual father. My husband is only four years older than my sister but he has had a grey beard and grey hair for at least a decade and people often think he’s older than he is. This proves the effectiveness of stereotypes – people see the grey beard and assume he is in his seventies rather than his fifties. When this is combined with people seeing him walking a bride down the aisle, they assume he’s her father, even though he mentioned in his brief speech that he wasn’t. Several people referred to Sis’s father, so it was fortunate that he didn’t hear them – however, this suggests even more strongly that I am married to a man old enough to be my own father, as he is clearly going deaf.

They hired a suit for hubby, one which matched the groom's and the groom's son's. My husband is not a fashionable man. He's the kind of man who makes everything he wears look a tad shabby and worn-out, even when it's brand-new. He had also put on some weight since his fitting for the suit, so he was greatly relieved when it actually still fit him. The shoes chosen by Sis to go with the ensemble were brown brogues with blue inserts, the kind of two-tone shoes that used to be referred to as 'co-respondent shoes', and he was never likely to wear them again as they hinted at 'style' or 'pzazz', neither of which are his things.  He gave them back to Sis after the wedding so she could try to sell them. He was allowed to keep his white shirt with cufflinks, however - so, as he said, 'The day wasn't a complete waste' [he was joking].

 

Not the bride's father!

 

Sis’s partner’s son carried the rings, and he and my niece were the witnesses. I was told by the registrar moments before the ceremony began that I would be the flower-holder, as Sis had forgotten to tell me (or I had forgotten), but it wasn’t an onerous job as bouquets aren’t very heavy. Bro-In-Law’s son did muddle up the rings momentarily, and the photographer dropped his lens cap just as the ceremony began, but other than those minor hiccups all went well.

The civil ceremony itself was substantially longer than our own ceremony at Barnsley Town Hall – they said a great deal more than we had to, which actually left me feeling short-changed - though obviously I have no idea by how much [see paragraph one].

Signing the register

Guests then gathered in the Orangery, before returning to the barn for the Wedding Breakfast, as it is called, even though this one took place in the late afternoon so should probably be called the Wedding High Tea. Nice food was followed by a cabaret act, The Singing Waiters – a duo who sung popular songs with comic interludes and a slightly uncomfortable amount of audience participation for my taste! Sis and Niece were, predictably, very merry and enthusiastic, which was great to see. I joined in with the napkin-waving, hand-holding, swaying, clapping, singing, with what at the time felt like gusto – I was actually enjoying it. However, on the videos I saw afterwards, I look like I’m taking part under duress – obviously, this is just my ‘resting bitch-face’!

My husband (who is the reason we didn’t have dancing at our wedding, because he has never shown any evidence of having a sense of rhythm and has always claimed that the idea of dancing makes him feel physically sick), must have drunk a lot because I’ve never before seen him so enthusiastic in such a situation! One of the singing waiters commented: ‘Look, the bride’s father’s really getting into it!’.  

 

The Singing Waiters

My elderly mum left before the singing waiters arrived, as she wanted a lie-down in her room. This was just as well as I don't think she'd have enjoyed the audience participation as she's very shy and she'd been sitting very close to where they did their act.

The singing waiters were very good and got people in the mood for the evening’s dancing, during which Sis and Bro-In-Law performed a first dance they had been rehearsing for months. They did it very well and their dance teacher, who was there, gave them his seal of approval. There was a buffet later and they had a beautiful cake, which they cut in the traditional manner, both people holding a single knife between them and making a single incision through the belly of the beast, before waiting staff took it off to be professionally dissected (just like you would do at home). I only saw this on video later, however, as I went to check on mum after the singing waiters, and started feeling nauseous again so I decided to call it a day.. 

 

Wedding Cake

My great-nephew told me afterwards that he liked my reception better than his nanny’s, which of course was great to hear (😂), but it was only because ours was ‘quieter’! He has hyperacusis, a hypersensitivity to noises, and he found the singing waiters and the dance music a bit overwhelming. In reality, Sis's wedding was very different from ours and much more elegant and traditional. It was also considerably livelier and everything went more smoothly. 

Great-nephew very much enjoyed the flashing yoyo and various other gewgaws he was given by his grandma to keep him occupied during the meal, however.

 

    

 

Great-nephew

I took great-nephew with me to check on his great-grandma, to give him a break from the noise. It had been raining heavily and I was wearing heels, which I don’t normally wear, and predictably I slipped outside my mum’s room and fell into a very wet dogwood shrub [notice how I avoided writing ‘wet bush’ there!]. I only stopped myself falling down completely by grabbing hold of the bush itself and soaking myself to the skin in a shower of rainwater. I don’t think any of the other wedding guests saw me, thank goodness, except for Great-nephew who stared at me in wordless shock. There were a few staff members knocking about, however, who probably thought I was drunk. If only...

 

Arrival of the bride and groom

I ended up going to bed about nine o’clock, which makes me feel incredibly old and boring. Next morning, however, it was a beautiful spring day. I felt fine and was able to scoff a delicious full English breakfast, before we drove home, so the whole experience ended well!

And there was wedding cake to eat later...[one tier choc and caramel, the other white rum, lime and coconut, if you're interested].

Congratulations, 

Sis and Bro-In-Law!

CHECK OUT THE SITES:

Nic's Crafty Corner   [Sis's craft small business, making bespoke greetings cards, gift boxes/bags, ornaments, photo albums, mementos, etc] 

https://www.facebook.com/nicscraftroom/

Singing Waiters:   

@singalongwaiters